


Confessions

by Raven_Song



Series: Star Wars Oneshots [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Disney You Cowards Make Them Gay, Finn is a Disaster Gay, Finn tells Poe he loves him, Finn tells Rey he's Force Sensitive, Finnpoe - Freeform, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Gay Panic, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Finn (Star Wars), Post-Canon, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Sassy Poe Dameron, Stormpilot, VE Schwab reference, finn is gay, so is poe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-22 14:20:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22250845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_Song/pseuds/Raven_Song
Summary: “That’s easy for you to say,” Finn replied. “You’re the best damn mechanic in the fleet. Poe is the best pilot, and Rey is the start of a new generation of Jedi. But I don’t know who I am. I spent so much of my life in the First Order where I wasn’t allowed to have any kind of freedom. I don’t know anything about my family, about what I like to do, about how I want to spend my life. I’m learning new things about myself every day and it scares the hell out of me, Rose. It’s not like I can tell anyone either because I still don’t know if I really am-”“In love with Poe?” she finished.“Force sensitive.” Finn blinked. “Wait, what?”
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: Star Wars Oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601797
Comments: 19
Kudos: 304





	Confessions

Finn loved the jungle. The Rebel base on Ajan Kloss was colorful, chaotic, vibrant, messy and most importantly alive. He could sit back and observe all day. This was what living was supposed to look like. Freedom. Entropy was embraced rather than controlled. Not for the first time, Finn thanked his lucky stars that Poe had helped him escape.

The First Order barracks had been unforgiving locations, their cadet bases always on inhospitable ice planets. They claimed it was a precaution, to keep the children from acting out or attempting to escape. No one could survive the subzero temperatures, and it was better to stay and suffer than escape and die. There were hardly any colors, either. Everything was painted in black and white, like much architecture leftover from the days of the Empire. Finn couldn’t remember a single day of his childhood (if it could even be called that) where he hadn’t been chilled to the bone.

A memory surfaced. It had been his first mission on a real starship. He had shivered and wrapped his arms around himself. His commanding officer had pulled Finn’s arms to his sides, snarling his disapproval. _Space is cold, kid. Get used to it._ When he had tried to make friends amongst his squadron, Phasma had smacked him upside the head. Her metal plated gloves had made his head ring. _You’re a Stormtrooper. That means adapting to any situation the rebels might throw at you. You won’t find comfort during war._

A sharp sound jarred Finn out of the memory. His heart pounded in his ears. When the sound didn’t come again, he sat back. It was just a twig snapping. Probably just an animal. What lived out here again? Birds, and some local lizards called zymods. Nothing too dangerous, at least that he knew of. He forced his body to relax, unclenching his fists and rolling his shoulders.

Just before he graduated to a full Stormtrooper. Captain Tross’ pointed tone when he had failed yet another training session due to the icy conditions rendering fumbling fingers useless. _Why aren’t you like the other cadets, FN-2187? They don’t complain about the cold. You are a Stormtrooper. Start acting like one._

At the time, Finn didn’t have the words to explain why he hated space so much. No one else seemed to dread a starship training course. If anything, his fellow soldiers seemed at ease surrounded by the rest of the First Order. He didn’t understand why he felt instantly calmer when their ships made planetfall. Why he was at his best surrounded by other people, living animals and plants. Where his peers felt out of place, Finn had thrived. People skills, that’s what his superiors had chalked it up to.

Like the mission on Mandalore. Everyone in the galaxy knew that the Mandalorians were a proud people. They embraced their warrior lineage in all regards. They should’ve been able to withstand the barrage of the Empire. But their Duchess had been killed, and after that the world was in chaos. Mandalore had fallen under the Empire’s control, but that didn’t mean that the people were complacent with their overlords. When the Empire dissolved, Mandalore fought hard for their freedom. The people soon found themselves struggling against the growing First Order.

Finn’s division had been assigned during a period of unrest. An ambassador of the First Order was sent to visit Mandalore for diplomatic reasons. During the visit, some Mandalorian insurgents had made an attack on the meeting and held the ambassadors hostage.

Finn’s fellow troopers had frozen. They were still training. Nothing remotely interesting had been predicted for this meeting. It was supposed to be a simple mission. They knew how to use their weapons, they knew protocol and procedures. Hostage negotiation was not a part of their training.

On instinct, Finn had been the one to step forward. He had been terrified of course, but once he began to speak a calm had washed over him. In the end, he had been able to talk the Mandalorians down. He explained that battling the First Order was a moot point. Mandalore might be known for their superb weapons, but the First Order had superior numbers and no qualms about civilian casualties. Mandalorians have a long memory, and their numbers had not yet recovered from the ravages of the Empire on their world. Finn had been commended for his quick thinking and diplomacy. It had been the one mission he had felt satisfied walking away from.

Here, on Ajan Kloss, he finally understood that it wasn’t his people skills or quick thinking that had saved the day. Living beings were a part of the Living Force. The reason space felt so empty, so dead, so cold was simply because Finn wasn’t surrounded by enough life to notice his connection to the universe. His training had cut him off.

_Just another casualty of the First Order,_ Finn thought darkly. In a way, it made sense. Why would they teach their soldiers about the true nature of the Force if it meant they could defect? The First Order controlled through fear, through uniformity, and through discipline. Showing any sort of individuality was frowned upon. He was lucky he didn’t realize what he had until he met Rey. If he had discovered his powers earlier— there was no place in the First Order for a Force sensitive Stormtrooper.

He had made the realization over a year before they won the war. It was a slow realization, creeping up on him slowly until the truth was before him and he couldn’t ignore it any longer.

As he sat on a fallen tree surrounded by the cacophony of jungle creatures, Finn finally let himself say the words aloud.“I’m Force sensitive.” A thrill ran through him. Something inside of his chest seemed to thrum with pleasure. Was this what Rey felt? Could Finn become a Jedi, or was he not good enough? Not strong enough?

“Finn?” He jumped, so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t heard her approaching. It was silly, to believe he could truly be alone here. He had friends now. People who cared about him and relied on him. People he had been avoiding all morning. He turned guiltily, smiling.

“Hey, Rose.” Rose Tico. One of Finn’s best friends and mechanic extraordinaire. Rose planted her hands on her hips, adopting the familiar posture of ‘what exactly do you think you’re doing out here?’ Her eyes twinkled with warmth. Finn felt his shoulders relax a fraction. At least she wasn’t mad at him. Yet. He wrangled his features into some semblance of calm, ignoring the flutter of panic in his stomach. He hadn’t been doing anything wrong, he reminded himself. The Resistance weren’t like the First Order.

“Rey and Poe are looking for you. We were going to have a meeting and catch each other up on the next steps for the Resistance. Remember? We planned for this like a week ago.” Finn turned away, suddenly unable to meet Rose’s eyes.

“I was just... relaxing. Getting away from all of the,” he waved vaguely in the direction of their base. “You know,” he finished lamely. Rose nodded.

“Yeah, it’s been pretty crazy around here, huh?” Finn leaned forward, elbows on his knees and rubbed his hands together.

“I thought this would all calm down after the Battle of Exegol but things have just become more hectic. Everyone needs me to sign off on a fuel shipment or to come to some meeting. Being co-General isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.” Rose nudged him with her boot. Finn looked up at her before he scooted over to make room as she settled onto the log next to him.

“Everything has changed since then. For everyone. We beat the First Order, but there’s still a lot of work to be done. Wars end, but the politics and the cleanup doesn’t. This war has shaped all of us. We have to learn who we are when we’re not fighting.” She smiled, fingers brushing the pendant that hung from her neck.

“That’s easy for you to say,” Finn replied. “You’re the best damn mechanic in the fleet. Poe is the best pilot, and Rey is the start of a new generation of Jedi. But I don’t know who I am. I spent so much of my life in the First Order where I wasn’t allowed to have any kind of freedom. I don’t know anything about my family, about what I like to do, about how I want to spend my life. I’m learning new things about myself every day and it scares the hell out of me, Rose. It’s not like I can tell anyone either because I still don’t know if I really am-”

“In love with Poe?” she finished.

“Force sensitive.” Finn blinked. “Wait, what?” He turned to her. Rose’s eyes bugged out of her head.

“You can feel the Force? Since when?” Finn winced at her offenced tone.

“Since always, I just didn’t understand what it was before I joined the Resistance and learned from Rey- What do you mean I’m in love with Poe?” She snorted.

“Everyone knows, Finn. Beaumont has been taking bets as to when you finally hook up.” Finn didn’t know what was worse. That everyone knew he was in love with Poe or that Beaumont was making money off of it.

“I’m not- Poe and I we’re just- it’s not like that,” Finn spluttered. Rose looked entirely unconvinced. A gentle hand grasped his shoulder, squeezing in reassurance.

“Finn, you don’t have to be afraid. No one is going to judge you for loving Poe. The two of you have been through a lot together. It makes sense. You’re his closest friend. We can’t judge you for what your heart wants. ”A mischievous twinkle sparked in Rose’s eye. “He _is_ the dashing pilot and our brave leader, after all. And I don’t think you have to worry about rejection. Half of the Resistance would swoon if he looked at them the way he does at you.”

Finn felt his cheeks warm. Yeah, he and Poe were close, but they were friends, nothing more. Friends that would give each other hugs that lingered just longer than they should. Friends who bickered the way that Leia and Han used to. Friends who would steal each others’ jackets as an unspoken promise that they would always find each other again. Finn’s fingers wandered to his sleeve. He was wearing his favorite jacket. It was comfortable and stylish, certainly. But it was the memory it held that made it so important to Finn.

It was Poe’s first mission after the Battle of Crait. He and Lt. Connix traveled to Viepra for a covert meeting with a longtime-ally. Their goal was to pick up vital information regarding the First Order’s plans and codes. Crucial if the Resistance was to win this blasted war.

Finn had been dreading it. He had been at Poe’s side for over a month, learning everything he could about the man who had given him his new life. He learned about Poe’s childhood on Yavin 4. About his mother, the incomparable Lieutenant Shara Bey. Noted how Poe’s hand went absently to the ring he wore on a chain around his neck whenever he recalled his mother and their flying lessons.

When he went to say his last goodbye before Poe was set to leave, Finn was startled to find his pilot waiting in Finn’s own quarters. Poe had given him that roguish smile. The one that made Finn’s ears burn and his breath catch in his throat.

“I just wanted to say good luck,” Finn said. He wanted to kick himself for the ungraceful conversation starter. But Poe hadn’t seemed to care. He’d reached out and grabbed Finn by the shoulders, the way he had on D’Qar when they had reunited. Finn quashed the little thrill that ran through him at the gesture.

“I’m coming back, buddy. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m going to worry anyways. The last time you went on a mission like this you got kidnapped by the First Order and I had to break you out.” Poe laughed at that.

“Hey, we broke each other out.” He must have seen something in Finn’s expression, because Poe sobered considerably. “Finn. I’m coming back. This Resistance is everything to me. This place is my home. These people are my friends. My family.” The slightest pressure on Finn’s shoulders, there and gone.

“You’d better come back,” Finn choked out. He felt the tears welling in his eyes, the pinch in his throat. Poe’s eyes softened to something unreadable. He cast a glance around Finn’s small quarters before alighting on one of Finn’s jackets tossed carelessly over the back of a chair.

Poe’s hand slipped from Finn’s shoulder and gingerly brushed over the bunched fabric. Finn’s brow furrowed in confusion, but he said nothing. With Poe, it was best to let him do his thing. He would explain himself. Eventually. Poe tugged the jacket on, taking a moment of vanity to admire its quality and fit. When his eyes met Finn’s, the former Stormtrooper nearly staggered from the intensity of that look.

“I’m coming back,” Poe repeated. His lips quirked. “How else am I going to give this back to you?”

“You’re stealing my jacket?” Finn spluttered. Poe shrugged. Stars, how could a gesture so casual make Finn’s knees so weak?

“You stole mine last time. Seems fair that I take yours. Besides, it’s not really stealing if I give it back, right? So it’s a promise. I’ll always come back.” Poe didn’t voice the words, but they hung in the air between them. I’ll always come back _to you._

Absently, Finn realized that Rose was talking to him.

“Finn? You in there?” He blinked, pulling himself out of the memory. Rose was staring, more than a little concerned. “Where’d you go? You looked like you were a thousand mile away.”

“Nowhere,” Finn blushed. “Do you really think that Poe... likes me?” He cringed at how thin and nervous his voice sounded. Finn wished he was suave like Han, or cheeky like Leia. Instead, he was fumbling over his words like a schoolboy with a crush. Blushing whenever he was graced with Poe’s dazzling smile. If Poe complimented him on a clever strategy he was flying high the rest of the week.

_I don’t just care about him,_ Finn realized. _I love him._ The realization must’ve registered on his face, because Rose rolled her eyes.

“Seriously, Finn. You’d have to be blind not to see how much you care about each other. You should tell him. The only reason he hasn’t said anything is because he didn’t want you to freak out.” Finn choked. Realizing he was in love with Poe was one thing. But confessing? That was a different entity entirely. A confession couldn’t be kept to himself. He risked rejection. That familiar bite of fear gnawed at him. Finn was better than this. He wasn’t scared of doing his own thing anymore. Right?

“Why does he think I’d freak out?” his voice cracked in indignation. Rose shot him a look and Finn backtracked. “Okay, okay. I get it. You really think I should? I mean, wouldn’t it just be better to let Poe make the first move? He’s got more experience than I do.”

“Life is too short to keep secrets from the ones you love.” Finn grinned at her, already rising.

“You’re right. I’m going to tell him. Them. Both.” He turned and sprinted into the woods, leaving Rose to either follow or get left behind.

Finn’s heart was singing. He was really doing this! A weight had lifted from him with his newfound understanding. Anticipation and joy propelled him forward. He sprinted through the dense undergrowth, ducking around trees and bounding over fallen logs. His feet seemed to skim the ground as he ran, light as a feather. He burst into the camp, startling the pilots who were lounging on their ships and gossiping. Finn’s eyes fixed on a familiar tall figure at the edge of the circle of pilots.

“Chewie! Have you seen Rey and Poe?” The Wookie rumbled and pointed to the looming form of the _Falcon_ on the other side of the clearing. Finn called out his thanks and ran past the confused Chewbacca. When Rose appeared just a few seconds later, he looked to her for an explanation.

“Tell you later,” she breathed.

Finn found them in the cockpit. Poe was pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation and Rey’s cheeks were flushed with anger. Another argument.

“I’ve told you! Lightspeed-skipping isn’t possible in this ship! It puts too much strain-”

“Yeah, I remember, Rey. But I’ve done it, and the ship is still intact.”

“Intact? Last time when you landed it was on fire!” Poe opened his mouth to say something harsh when he saw Finn leaning in the doorway.

“General,” Poe greeted him with the false severity they always used with each other. “You okay there pal? You look out of breath.” Rey shoved past with a fond smile.

“Where have you been? We’re supposed to be having a meeting soon.” Finn gave Rey a brief hug.

“Sorry, I was out in the jungle trying to clear my head. I just lost track of time.” Rey didn’t believe him. He could tell from the set of her jaw. It was the same look she had when they had first met on Jakku and he lied about who he was. Poe, as usual, took the initiative to break the tense silence that had grown.

“Well, once Rose gets here we can start.”

“She’s right behind me.” Finn didn’t miss the flash of hurt that crossed Poe’s face as Rose appeared, equally as out of breath. Poe’s assumption cut Finn like a knife.

“Oh. Okay, then. Hey, Rose.” She flopped into the seat behind the pilot’s with an exhausted smile. Chewie lumbered in and took the other chair, still eyeing Finn.

“Hey, Poe.” The pilot cleared his throat.

“I guess that means we can begin our meeting-”

“Wait.” Poe froze. Rey’s head snapped to look at Finn. He still wasn’t used to being looked at by so many people. Shifting his weight, Finn struggled to find the words. Could he actually do this? “Wait,” he repeated. “Before we start the meeting I have some things I need to say.” Poe and Rey shared a worried look.

“Go ahead, buddy. We’re listening.” Finn looked to Rose, unsure of himself. She nodded. He took a deep breath, hoping it would calm his fraying nerves.

“Rey, there’s something I need to tell you. The thing I almost told you on Pasada.” She tilted her head. Finn squeezed his eyes shut. I can do this. “I think I’m Force sensitive.” The words tumbled out in a rush, leaving him breathless. The cockpit of the _Falcon_ went deathly quiet. Finn risked opening his eyes.

Poe looked stunned.

Rose was beaming at him in pride.

And Rey was... smiling at him?

“I knew it,” she breathed. “I’ve suspected for months, but I never said anything.”

“You-you did?” Rey pulled him into a hug.

“Of course I did! You’re my best friend.” Finn rested his chin on her shoulder, relief pouring through him.

“You’ve no idea how good it feels to tell you,” Finn admitted. Rey laughed. “Does this mean you’ll train me?”

“I can try, though, I don’t know if I’ll be a good teacher.” Finn pulled away.

“Of course you will. I trust you.”

Poe, meanwhile, seemed to be losing his mind. He kept looking between Finn and Rey as if the explanation would be written above their heads. Before he could stop himself, Finn reached out to him.

“Poe?” The pilot shook off his touch.

“So _that’s_ what you’ve been hiding? You’re a Jedi?”

“Not yet. I’d need training to be a real Jedi.” Poe glared.

“That’s semantics and you know it. I thought we trusted each other, Finn! We’ve fought together for years. I trust you with my life and you kept this from me! When you didn’t want to tell me what it was I assumed it was because you’re in love with Rey-”

“What?!” they yelled in unison.

“-but I’ll leave you all to your Jedi business. If you need a ride, you know where to find me.” Poe shouldered past Finn and Rey, storming into the parlor. Rey gave Finn a concerned glance before he tore after the pilot.

“Poe!” he shouted, voice echoing on the metal walls. When there was no response, Finn grabbed Poe’s shoulder and spun him until they were face to face. “Poe, I wanted to tell you. But I was worried it would make you see me differently. I’m still me. Still the guy who helped you steal a TIE and escape the First Order. Okay?” He looked unimpressed. “And I’m not in love with Rey. But this Force stuff is her wheelhouse, and you know it. I didn’t even know if I really could feel the Force. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I was afraid of being wrong.” Poe sighed.

“Then why didn’t you trust me to help you figure this out?” The words were spoken softly, but it hit Finn like a blow to his ribs.

“I trust you, Poe. I just don’t trust myself.” Finn took a breath. He could feel the concern radiating off of the girls, who were hovering in the doorway unsure if they needed to intervene or let this play out. Poe’s anger tinted the air around him, like they fraying edge of Kylo Ren’s crimson saber. But for the first time in months, Finn found himself calm. The path ahead was clear and solid.

“You should’ve told me,” Poe murmured softly, hands raising to brush some microscopic dust off of Finn’s shoulders. But he wasn’t going to let this moment pass, so Finn’s grip tightened.

“You’re right,” Finn admitted. “And I’ve hated myself for being such a coward. But I’ve spent my whole life in a place where I would’ve been sent to reconditioning or worse for being different. I know this isn’t the First Order, but that kind of fear- it’s hard to get over. I wish I told you sooner.” He let his head fall forward. “I’m sorry.”

The silence stretched out like the Jakku desert. The calm around Finn cracked, and the loneliness and shame poured in until he was drowning in it. This was it. This was what pushed Poe away for good. Finn was about to turn away when he felt Poe’s arms circle him and pull him close.

He gasped, shocked by the embrace. Finn could feel his body shaking. Poe was still as stone. A pillar to lean on. The knot in Finn’s chest unfurled, the slope of his shoulders fell as the tension drained out of him. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he was standing or if Poe was holding him up but it didn’t matter. Poe’s breath brushed Finn’s ear, and he shuddered at the sensation.

“I forgive you.” Poe squeezed him, once, and then stepped back. “You know I’m here for you, Finn. No matter what. Hell, I’m sorry that you didn’t feel safe enough to tell me. But I’m not leaving you, pal. Not even when you start learning that freaky Jedi mind thing.”

“Poe-” Finn began. “There’s one more thing I have to tell you. One more secret.” Poe’s eyes, usually so mischievous, seemed uncertain for the first time that Finn had seen.

“Buddy, you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.”

“No. I have to say this.” But... Finn couldn’t get out the words. They were stuck in his throat and no matter how hard he tried they wouldn’t budge. Panic flared in him. This was the moment. He had to do this now. He barely registered Poe’s hand on his shoulder or the concern written across the pilot’s face.

Those three little words were holding him back. He did the only thing he could. His hands reached up to cradle Poe’s face. Alarm flickered in Poe’s eyes. Finn pulled his pilot close and kissed him. He could feel Poe stiffen against him. But he didn’t push him away, so Finn kept kissing him.

Poe’s mouth was soft against his. This was Finn’s one chance to get this right, and he knew it. He pressed everything he couldn’t say into that one gesture. All of his fear, his hope, his admiration. His love.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Finn pulled away, eyes searching Poe’s face for any reaction, no matter how small. When Poe’s eyes fluttered open, Finn found himself holding his breath.

“Finn?” Poe asked, breathless. Finn gave him a tiny smile.

“I love you,” he said simply. Across the room Rey gasped, grabbing Rose’s arm. The mechanic was beaming with pride. Even Chewie let out a rumble of approval.

And Poe? He stood frozen, mouth agape. Finn’s heart thundered in his chest. Had he made a mistake?

But then Poe snapped back into reality, his hands trailing across Finn’s back. With a crooked smile and a sharp tug, he pulled Finn into himself once more.

“I love you too, Finn.” Poe caught his mouth, feeling the smile on Finn’s lips as they pressed into his own.

Light swelled inside of Finn. He felt like a star, shining with all of the light and the love that swelled in him. Poe’s hands smoothed over his shoulders, his back, his waist. Finn’s fingers tangled in Poe’s hair, tugging at those rugged curls he loved so much. When they broke apart for air, both of them were grinning.

Maybe this confession thing wasn’t so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I firmly believe that Finn was going to tell Rey that he could use the Force on Pasada and no one can change my mind! 
> 
> Rose is the supportive best friend everyone needs. I love her so much. And Stormpilot is the romance we deserved but Disney are cowards.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this little gay fluff! Comments and kudos are very appreciated.
> 
> PS bonus points if you catch the VE Schwab reference ;p


End file.
